and i don’t like star wars.
those are freddie mercury’s words, lifted from bicycle race by queen. i always used to wonder about that line, or half of it anyway. i mean, how could anybody not like star wars? it was simply the greatest film of my kidhood, hands down. nothing even came close to it. so freddie must’ve had bad taste in movies. that must’ve been it, right?
but now… now i’m starting to agree. maybe there was something like foresight in those lyrics, because while i still admire the film i first saw in 1977, the franchise itself is beginning to really bother me. and i am pretty sure i am not alone in this. star wars was great, even before it had “a new hope” tacked onto the title and way before it sprouted “episode four” from it’s name. then we had the empire strikes back, which further indoctrinated my generation into the ways of the jedi. and when return of the jedi came along, we enjoyed it as much as we could, even though the collaboration with henson seemed a bit strange and strained, necessitating all of those woodland teddybears who didn’t speak a lick of english. but hey, boba fett was back and so was han, luke confronted the emperor, vader redeemed himself and leia wore that gold slave costume that became the foundation for so many male adolescent fantasies since.
we should have seen it coming. return of the jedi, that should have been the big clue of what was to come. the feel was different and something we loved from the first two movies was missing or diminished. but what was it? it just seemed like lucas had lost the hunger that comes from an imagination struggling to find fruition, from a mass of new ideas that need something akin to a wrangler or lion-tamer to give them coherence. because star wars was new, incorporating a fascination with science fiction with elements of fantasy (the jedi as a knight in a fallen order), more than a little philosophy (the force as an archetypal power of the collective cosmos), and all the buckle and swash of a classic errol flynn movie.
but where is that now? you can’t even watch the movie i saw in 1977 anymore, unless you just happen an older VHS tape lying around. the “special editions” did do some fine work with the sound, even brightening and crisping the image to the put that it feels new, but it’s just not the same. i could give you a list of differences, but let’s suffice with some for-instances. in my remembered star wars, there was no cameo from jabba the hutt in the original, and his restoration from a justifiably cut scene is heinous. he looks silly, nothing like the disgusting and malevalent creature we encounter in return of the jedi. and while we’re on tatooine, didn’t han solo shoot first in the bar?
episode one. i was excited, sure. i downloaded every trailer i could find and was there at midnight for the first showing. and yes, there were definite moments where glory peaked through, but in the end, it was empty. i didn’t feel anything beyond the movie theatre experience itself. and episode two? i gave it another try. again, i was there for the midnight showing. and while i did find myself caught up and cheering for a brief moment of uber-jedi dueling, the second is even more lacking in actual substance than the first. it is sad, but my hopes for episode three have transformed into a jaded concern over whether lucas can even create a suitable puzzle-piece to connect these prequels to the originals. and if it doesn’t fit, i don’t even think his artistic integrity is intact enough for him to prevent further tampering with the original to make it fit the new.
there is a possibly-untrue story that francis ford coppola told george lucas in the late 70s that he could use the popularity of star wars to found a new religion. but if episode one and two is the new gospel, my faith is certainly waivering. and i think i can honestly say one thing at this point: when the episode iii church service is called, and all of the faithful should be there at midnight…
i won’t be there.
