sometimes the internet amuses. often the internet informs. usually the internet annoys. and it has been too long since the internet has truly entertained. but this morning, i’ve been led to a fantastic source of hilarity. michael kelly’s page of misery is chock full of goodness. in an alternate universe, eddie izzard decided against being a performer, remained an accountant, and this is what he would write in private. need proof? here’s a sample from one called nothing much:
Over the Christmas and New Year holidays I have been watching more television than is ordinarily my wont, believing it to be a sacred duty at this holy season. Speaking of which, why the hell wasn’t ‘The Italian Job’ on this year? A generation of children may grow up in ignorance of the real Christmas story, namely that Our Lord Michael Caine saved us all by leading a gang of cockney thieves to steal 3 million in gold bullion from the Fiat factory in Turin. Remember the parable of the Three Wise Minis.
he’s also written about some saints with whom you might not be familiar:
Saint Felicity the Merry used to skip around everywhere revelling in the joys of creation and singing the praises of God. She would say things like, “Oh, a butterfly, oh, look at the sunshine, tra-la-la.” Eventually she was stoned to death by some people with hangovers.
there’s over three years worth of stuff, including political rants, observations on smoking, sex and dating tips, teevee listings and even an unpublished novel. so go on and take a look. you really didn’t want to work today, anyway. [thank you, MeFi]
