GRABBINGSAND

And so, it carries right on.

Weather permitting, jury duty shall continue tomorrow morning. We’ll pick it up where we left off this evening. Right now, all of you should be very thankful that still I cannot discuss any particulars. If I could, no screed limit would hinder me. As it is, let’s just have some thematic YouTube action …

There. Now don’t we all just feel a little more zen?

Jury Duty. Continues.

There is little worse for a word fiend like myself to be confronted with a Really Big Word — one that sounds a like a cross between onomatopoeia and aglio y oglio — while being oath-bound not to look it up on the Google.

The only true consolation is this: the experience is turning out to be incredibly interesting from so many angles.

So hey … how many of you other fine people have been through jury duty?

So, yeah.

I got picked. Not entirely happy about it, but I’ll make do. Of course, I can’t talk about it.

The deliberations are supposed to last no longer than Thursday.

Afterwards, I’ll talk all I want.

01-28-07_1906.jpg
Originally uploaded by grabbingsand.

After taking in a late afternoon matinée of The Last King of Scotland with Janice and Wendy, Nikki and I stopped by the our nearby Publix for a couple of necessities. Having not heard any news since this morning, it was quite obvious that the local weather wizards have been making proclamations of doom. Of course, bread shelves had been hit. Milk was limited. Since we tend to buy the organic varieties, we had no trouble getting our own. Storm-readiness must only include the big names like Mayfield. And oddly enough, almost all of the chicken broth was gone. Now really, is a combination of bread, milk and chicken broth going to be the very staples needed to survive a blizzard?

The little signs up and down the aisle, they weren’t helping. As if the advice of meteorologists wasn’t enough to panic the populace into fits of hoarding, leave it to the store itself to hammer the point right on home. I found this one sign in the pasta section. I guess enough carbs will keep anybody warm.

Snow or not, I’m heading downtown in the morning. Even though my little ticket had a tick in the “Standby” checkbox, my hopes of getting off scott-free were dashed by a phone call to the clerk’s office. Usually, they start off the greeting with a list of what groups can stay home (or actually, go to work). This time, the recording was simple: “All jurors are expected.”

Yep. Jury duty.

Thankfully, Atlanta’s own version of the “Trial Of The Century” already has a healthy pool of 950 prospective jurors.* So with that possibility seemingly out of the question, I’m just going to dress like I belong somewhere else, take a book or two to read and just see what happens. With any luck, I’ll be vetted, voir dire‘d and dismissed before the day is out.

I hope.

(* – Of which, I may actually be one. After thinking again about the 11Alive story, and about how I had to mail back a questionnaire attached to the original summons. Still … I might have an out. A very good and honest one. We’ll see.)

How old is this one? Eons. And yet, I’ve never. Kelly just did. So I will.

You know the drill. Set the iPod on Shuffle. Match the songs that surface against an arbitrary list of life events prescribed my some immortal demigod of bloggery, his or her name lost to the broken links of time. The end result is the soundtrack to your very own biopic. That stated, here is mine …

Waking Up: “Enchantment” – Corrinne Bailey Rae (Magic oatmeal?)
First Day Of School: “Enter The Circus” – Christina Aguilera (Now that’s funny.)
Falling In Love: “Sun Comes Up (Live)” – John Legend (“Baby, when the sun comes up, I’m gonna be next to you …”)
Fight Song: “Antarctica” – Black Tie Dynasty (That works.)
Breaking Up: “Love Will Tear You Apart” – A plus D (A mashup featuring She Wants Revenge, Joy Division and Bauhaus.)
Prom: “50 Cent Love” – Sugarland (At first, I found this odd. Then I remembered my prom.)
Life: “How Long Have You Been Stoned?” – Over The Rhine (Must be a metaphor.)
Mental Breakdown: “I Might Be Wrong” – Radiohead (Nice.)
Driving: “L’Via L’Viaquez” – The Mars Volta (A 12-minute song. Must be a long trip.)
Flashback: “The Right Profile” – The Clash (“Hey, where did I see this guy …?”)
Wedding: “It’s A Lovely Day Tomorrow” – Vera Lynn (Hmm. WWII-era optimism. I’ll take it.)
Childbirth: “Last Goodbye (Live)” – Jeff Buckley (Shouldn’t this appear later, say in about three songs?)
Final Battle: “The Flame” – Cheap Trick (Once again, the Monster Ballads compilation rears its AquaNet-ted head at a time most inappropriate.)
Death Scene: “Sportin’ Life” – James Brown (Organ-laced instrumental track from the soundtrack to Black Caesar, as if that knowledge helps at all.)
Funeral Song: “Love For Sale” – Cannonball Adderley (Excellent track, without a doubt. But the titular implications …)
End Credit: “Trumpet Voluntary” – London Symphony Orchestra (How very regal.)

Things were going so well, right up until the morbidly-scored nativity scene.

If you’ve done one of your own, link it or list it in the comments below.

I so need this t-shirt.

The United States Secretary of Commerce heads up the U. S. Department of Commerce. This Secretary is charged with overseeing business and industry. The mission of the department is much broader than it appears, as it also includes the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office , the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, the U.S. Census Bureau, the National Institute of Standards and Technology, and the National Telecommunications and Information Administration.
Under usual circumstances, the Secretary of Commerce is tenth in the line of succession (see below). From 1903 to 1913, the Secretary was in charge of the Department of Commerce and Labor. Four men held the role in so much time. After the department split into two (Commerce and Labor) in 1913, we’ve had 35 Secretaries of Commerce.

Current Secretary: Carlos M. Gutierrez, former CEO of the Kellogg Company. Would be passed over in the line of succession because he is not a natural-born citizen of the United States. He was born in Cuba in 1953 and arrived in the U.S. with his family in 1960.

Number One Draft Pick: Warren Buffett. How do you ensure that a man will never, ever take a bribe? Pick a man who simply cannot be bribed by anyone.

Just before getting hitched last August, 76-year-old Buffett gave just about all of his Berkshire Hathaway textile stock — that’s 10 million shares, clocking in at around $31 billion these days — to charity. And still, he remains the 2nd wealthiest American alive, right behind Bill Gates. But hey, anybody can be rich, so why pick Buffett? To answer, I ask that you remember the Othmers.

Donald and Mildred Othmer were hardly a remarkable couple. He was a professor of chemical engineering at Polytechnic University in Brooklyn, with a small consulting business on the side. She was a former teacher who spent most of her time volunteering for New York civic and arts organizations. They had no children.

But when Donald and Mildred Othmer died — he in 1995, she in 1998 — it turned out they were quite remarkable indeed. Polytechnic University, which once faced bankruptcy, unexpectedly found itself heir to $175 million. Planned Parenthood received $65 million. All told, the couple bequeathed $340 million to several perennially cash-strapped Brooklyn institutions …

The Othmers were proof of one of the investment world’s oft-repeated legends: Had you put $10,000 into Berkshire Hathaway when Buffett bought control of it in 1965, you’d have more than $50 million today, compared to the just under $500,000 you’d have if you’d invested in the Standard & Poor’s 500 stock index.

Now, if the so-called Oracle of Omaha could work that kind of advisory magic with the humble Othmers, just imagine what he could do with all the levers of American industry at arm’s length. To be sure, the Department of Commerce is spread thin with responsibility, so much that each of its diverse sub-branches deserves as much leadership as the department as a whole.

Just how is one Secretary expected to know what is best for the division that oversees weather as well as the correct approach when handling international telecommunications? So why not treat the whole department like a proper corporation, complete with an effective and proven CEO?

Alternate Picks: Sergey Brin, Google. He’s young, sure, but already he’s shown promise not only in how he makes money, but how he uses the money made. And with Brin, chances are good you’d get Vinton Cerf, a perfect candidate to manage the National Telecommunications and Information Administration. Of course, Brin was born in Moscow, so he’d have the same line of succession problem that Gutierrez faces.

Notable Predecessors: President Herbert Hoover served as Secretary of Commerce from 1921 to 1928, at the behest of both Presidents Warren G. Harding and Calvin Coolidge. Over his eight years, Hoover championed efficiency in the Department and sought to establish (for good or ill) cooperative relationships between government and business. By November of 1928, chances are good that people had read far more about the grand and mighty deeds of Secretary Hoover — including the way he spearheaded relief efforts (for good or ill) along the Mighty Mississippi after the great flood of 1927 — than they ever had about his Presidential opponent, Democrat Al Smith.

West Wing Reference: Alan Dale played Commerce Secretary Mitch Bryce and appeared twice during the fourth season. Interestingly enough, Alan Dale played the Vice President on Fox’s 24. In both roles, his character pulled the lever on a 25th Amendment enactment, thus removing a standing President from office.

Likelihood: Again, not bloody likely. While Buffett would probably relish the challenge, it is far more likely that he has reached definitively the Carnegie-branded 2nd Stage of his life, the latter half best spent using the money made during the former half as a tool to leave the Earth a better planet than you found it.

Already On The Roster: Agriculture.

Next Up? Defense!

His Majesty.
Originally uploaded by grabbingsand.

This is Daksha. He had his teeth cleaned last week. Professionally. Since cats lack the patience of your average human, major dental work of the feline variety warrants anesthesia. Otherwise, the individual attempting to precisely clean the sharp, pointy teeth of said feline might need anesthesia of their own. Now, as we are over-protective cat parents, Nikki and I were a little nervous about just how Daksha would handle the whole situation. (more…)

(Furniture? No. This is politics. Check out the previous entry for context.)

The United States Secretary of Agriculture heads up the U. S. Department of Agriculture. This Secretary is charged with overseeing land and food as well as agriculture and rural development. This includes farm loans, conservation programs, crop insurance and so forth. The Secretary of Agriculture is ninth in the line of succession. Since 1889, we’ve had 28 Secretaries of Agriculture. (more…)

It is lonely at the top. Fortunately, our Constitution ensures that the President of the United States will always have company. In Article Two, we find the following:

The President shall be Commander in Chief of the Army and Navy of the United States, and of the Militia of the several States, when called into the actual Service of the United States; he may require the Opinion, in writing, of the principal Officer in each of the executive Departments, upon any subject relating to the Duties of their respective Offices, and he shall have power to Grant Reprieves and Pardons for Offenses against the United States, except in Cases of Impeachment.

The success or failure of a President can depend entirely upon the strength or weakness of the Cabinet. These twenty-one individuals have the President’s trust, and he is counting on them to each provide expert advice regarding their particular office. Ignorance on their part can prove disastrous.

So while the playing field is filling with free agents, all vying for air-time now and our individual votes in November 2008, it might be wise to take a look at these twenty-one positions of power. Much like armchair quarterbacks do every fall with fantasy football, I’m going to take on a similar challenge, one player at a time.

I’m calling this my Fantasy Presidential Cabinet.

Before we get started, we need a list. If asked, could you name off all twenty-one Cabinet (or Cabinet-ranked) positions? I doubt I could even list eight others, not without a little Googling.

As of 2006, the President surrounds himself with the following:

• Vice President*
• Secretary of Agriculture
• Secretary of Commerce
• Secretary of Defense
• Secretary of Education
• Secretary of Energy
• Secretary of Health and Human Services
• Secretary of Homeland Security
• Secretary of Housing and Urban Development
• Secretary of Interior
• Attorney General, Department of Justice
• Secretary of Labor
• Secretary of State
• Secretary of Transportation
• Secretary of the Treasury
• Secretary of Veterans Affairs
• Administrator, Environmental Protection Agency**
• Director, Office of Management and Budget**
• Director, National Drug Control Policy**
• U.S. Trade Representative**
• White House Chief of Staff*

I’ll hold off on the VP until the end, so expect a pick for one of the many Secretaries in the next week or so.

This will be fun. And who knows? Maybe my picks will make it into the actual, real-life 2008 roster. And I promise you that I will actually keep up with this fantasy line-up … thus avoiding the horrible season experienced by the forgotten and ill-fated “Drama Bums” in 2006. Ranked 11 out of 12 in the MeCha Fantasy Football League, my team proves that having Michael Vick in your line-up is not enough to guarantee success, no matter your reality.

* – Cabinet Rank Member
** – Elevated to Cabinet-level rank by the current administration.