Person 1: Hey.
Person 2: Hey, how’ve you been?
Person 1: I’m great. Just finished reading a great book on my Kindle. You ought to read it sometime.
Person 2: Oh? Cool. Can I borrow it?
Person 1: Yeah. About that … I can’t.
Person 2: Can’t what? Can’t let me borrow the awesome book?
Person 1: No. Jeff won’t let me.
Person 2: … Who’s Jeff?

Jeff Bezos steps out from behind a nearby ficus.

Jeff Bezos: Hi! I’m Jeff Bezos.
Person 1: Hey … Jeff.
Person 2: You’re Jeff? And you won’t let him let me borrow the awesome book?
Jeff Bezos: You can’t borrow the awesome book because your friend promised me that he wouldn’t let you borrow the book, no matter how awesome. Says so right in the terms and conditions. He can’t let you borrow it.
Person 2: Maybe I’ll just buy it from him. Or just owe him a beer later or something.
Jeff Bezos: That’s good. But no, you can’t buy it, not even with beer.
Person 1: Hey, what if I just read it to him. Out loud. You know, like an old radio drama or something.
Person 2: That’d be cool.
Jeff Bezos: It would be cool, if it were possible, but it’s not, so it’s just not cool at all.
Person 1: Oh.
Person 2: Oh.
Jeff Bezos: Glad I could clear that up. See you around.

Jeff Bezos steps back behind another ficus.

Person 1: See what I mean?
Person 2: Yeah. Hey, maybe you could just leave your Kindle at my place accidentally, you know? That way, I wouldn’t really be borrowing it.
Person 1: Huh. That might work. I’ll just leave myself logged in and forget to …

Jeff Bezos drops from the branches of a nearby banyan tree.

Jeff Bezos: Hi. I’m still Jeff Bezos.
Person 1: Hi, Jeff.
Person 2: Hi, Jeff.
Jeff Bezos: Yeah. The accidentally-leaving-your-Kindle idea? Can’t go for that one either. One of you would circumventing our security and the other would be encouraging the aforementioned circumventing.
Person 1: Circumventing. That’s bad, right?
Jeff Bezos: Very much so.

With a wink and a raised eyebrow, Jeff Bezos drops a smoke bomb and disappears like a ninja.

Person 2: :cough: Well. :cough: Look, I don’t want to make Jeff mad again.
Person 1: Me neither. It is a good book, though.
Person 2: I’m sure. I’ll just go buy my own copy of the awesome book.
Person 1: You sure about that?
Person 2: Yeah. Thanks, anyway.

And in the shadows, Jeff Bezos smiles.

(Inspired in no small part by this post at Dive Into Mark.)