Best Last Line Ever So Far

Phil Kloer is soldiering on. Though they’ve taken away his book-specific blog, he’s still making mostly regular posts about book-related topics in the AJC’s far more general ATLarts group blog. Today’s post is particularly good, all about American Book Review’s listing of their top 100 last lines from novels — the list is a PDF, so consider yourself warned.

I looked it over like the good English major I am. I found myself agreeing with about a third of their choices, shaking my head at another third and wondering why I’d never heard of the remaining third. But nowhere to be found was my personal favorite. To me, a last line ought to resonate long after the book is closed. Either with hope or with dread, it should linger, though the latter is more common than the former.

My choice? The last line from Good Omens by Gaiman and Pratchett.

And if you want to imagine the future, imagine a boot … no, imagine a sneaker, laces trailing, kicking a pebble; imagine a stick, to poke at interesting things, and throw for a dog that may or may not decide to retrieve it; imagine a tuneless whistle, pounding some luckless popular song into insensibility; imagine a figure, half-angel, half-devil, all human …

Slouching hopefully towards Tadfield …

. . . forever.

Catch the reference there?

Now, my readers … tell me. What favorites do you have?

Twenty Years Ago Today



16th Birthday, originally uploaded by grabbingsand.

I wonder what those wishes were.

A car, probably.

More accurately, a better car than the 1976 Ford Grenada I had. The “Grenade” wasn’t a bad car, particularly for a rookie driver, because it was built like a Sherman tank only less aero-dynamic. At least it wasn’t a Pinto, a car that was high on my late ’80s list of least desirable autos. But the accelerator did have a troubling tendency to get stuck, meaning that driving became a matter of gradually putting on the brakes to get through traffic, then punching it in to swerve into the next available gas station and come to a graceless stop.

Once stopped, I’d throw the car into Park and quickly shut off the ignition, ignoring the complaining engine all the while. It was then that I could safely pop open the hood, take off my shoe, and bang the carburetor with it repeatedly. I was convinced that this was always the only way to fix the problem, a conviction reinforced by the fact that when the car started up again, the accelerator was once again a team player. Looking back, I think the shoe-based repair work was just an excuse to vent my frustrations.

So here I am, twenty years further along. Sixteen plus twenty. Gone are the pseudo-aviator shaped glasses, thank God. I’m wearing my hair longer these days, but thanks to a latter-day invention known generally as “product,” I needn’t look like I’ve just gotten out of bed 24/7. I’m no longer so skinny. But I’d like to think that I could still hold up my end of a conversation with a sixteen year old me. I know he’d fascinate me with everything he doesn’t know and all the other things he thinks he knows. You think I’m a bit of a know-it-all now?

You’ve no idea.

I wish I knew what I had in my shirt pocket. Beyond that, I wish I could step back in time just long enough to pluck out whatever that is in said pocket. Is it some kind of notebook? Well, I guess I should be grateful that it is not a pocket protector.

(Note: I’ve never owned a pocket protector.)

Haunting Virtual Libraries

We love books. Too much. This is probably no secret, particularly if you’ve seen our office. And our spare bedroom. And the living room. And the foyer.

But trust me when I say that the current volume of books is a major improvement over the even greater number we had when we moved into the house a few years back. Since then, we’ve had regular literary purges. And as a result, our shelves are more orderly, populated with the remaining books that both of us really appreciate. The rest of the books? The unwanted? They’re out in the garage, waiting for a new fate that involves a used book store or some mass donation to Goodwill.

One of the big decisions we made about the books was one of organization, of recording the books we have. To this end, Nikki found a place online that sold reconfigured CueCats, those little devices that were supposed to be the missing link between magazine advertisement and the World Wide Web. They failed at that, but with a little modification, a CueCat can be used as an inexpensive barcode scanner. We ordered one, hooked it up to the iBook and fed our books (and several CDs) into Delicious Library.

This is all well and good, provided the ancient and troubled iBook doesn’t suddenly up and die. Given that such sudden tragedy could happen, it only makes sense to backup the data elsewhere.

So what about an online option? There are many available, actually. Shelfari, GoodReads and LibraryThing. Apparently, LibraryThing is the weapon of choice for actual librarians. This is probably because of the sheer volume of statistical data available for any book entered. GoodReads has a more personable user interface, resembling Yelp with its profile photos and chatty review sections. Shelfari has a great name, but I’ve seen nothing about it that stands apart from the other two.

Both GoodReads and LibraryThing make it remarkably easy to add books by the batchload. Either one employs an import method that simply takes a (comma-delimited) text file and scans the file for ISBNs. GoodReads does insist on an “ISBN” column header, but that’s nothing much to ask. After uploading the file, the ISBNs are matched against available databases. This is one place where GoodReads has the upper hand, because they process theirs imports much quicker. LibraryThing can take up to an hour or more for a stack of one hundred. Of course, this is probably because LibraryThing is cross-checking those ISBNs against several resources, gathering all matter of bookish minutiae. GoodReads, I believe, depends almost entirely on Amazon. (I think. Will have to confirm.)

Oh, and another thing. LibraryThing has a limit of 200 books for non-paying members. GoodReads, it seems, has no limit and has no paid member option.

And so, I’m going to test drive both GoodReads and LibraryThing. We’ll see how I get along with both over the next few weeks, adding occasionally and participating with the communities in either one.

If you’re already a part of either service, feel free to “friend” me and invite me to see your books and so on. Also, if you’ve already spent some quality time with either service (or with Shelfari, even), leave a comment and let me know how it has been.

Geek Rock



Geek Rock, originally uploaded by grabbingsand.

Another Caturday



Another Caturday, originally uploaded by grabbingsand.

My Minister Is Not Myself

I shouldn’t be so surprised to see so many who wish to graft the opinions of Rev Wright onto most famous member of his congregation. After all, there has been so little opportunity for scandal throughout the Obama campaign. But the accusations of associative racism (or worse, sedition) are manifestly ignorant, not to mention more than a little hypocritical.

I’ve written about growing up Methodist many times, almost always in a positive light. One constant with the United Methodist Church is the cyclical re-appointment of ministers. This can be traced back to the early Methodists, the iconic circuit-riding preacher who would make his rounds from parish to parish, Sunday to Sunday. Rather than being responsible for a single church, these founding pastors had handfuls of church families to nurture and serve. In much the same way, the modern United Methodist Church places ministers according to the needs of various congregations and will reappoint a minister should a greater need arise elsewhere, replacing that minister with another just as capable.

In other words, I’ve known a lot of preachers by the way they each manned the same pulpit. Overall, I’d say most were respectable, that they each served our home church well enough. But if pressed to choose from among them, if asked to say who delivered the better sermon, who had a better grasp on theology, who was a better confident and advisor, who understood how to embrace a church family as his own, I can’t say that any one of their number was every “who” in that list. Each had their gifts. None were perfect. All were human. And that’s okay. A congregation that expects their pastor to be infallible is a congregation asking too much.

Furthermore, misguided is the outside observer who assumes a pastor to be wholly representative of any individual member of that pastor’s congregation. From my own history, I can cite several examples of ministers who successfully led my home church while simultaneously maintaining opinions contrary not only to my own, but to several others in our congregation. There is no better example of this than the pastor who held the post through my latter years in high school, my initial years in college. He was (and possibly still is) an unapologetic Ditto Head, a daily listener to Rush Limbaugh. But while Limbaugh is an anathema to just about every political opinion I hold, that pastor’s appreciation for Right-Wing talk radio had no bearing what-so-ever on his ability to minister to our church, to visit our sick, to be a part of our family and to be one of the best friends I had.

A side note … It was during his time as pastor that our youth adult Sunday School class took on the task of providing holiday dinner to several of the more needy children and their families in our community, a dinner that concluded with a visit from Santa Claus bearing toys that each child had placed on their Christmas List. There is nothing quite as humbling as seeing the look on a child’s face when their wishes come true. And if your heart didn’t crack at the kids who squealed happilly once their gift was unwrapped, then it surely would at the quieter children who just clutched their unopened gift tightly. “Don’t you want to open your present?” “No,” they said. Because they wanted to save it, to have something under the tree on Christmas day.

Did my association with that minister have an effect on my life? Most definitely. A very positive effect that informs my understanding of not only Christianity in general, Methodism in particular, but in the Earth-moving power of community and compassion that need never be confined behind the walls of any church.

Did I replace my politics with his, or forsake my own ability to reason and render an opinion to take up his? Not in the least. If anything, I learned from that pastor that two people with diametrically opposed political viewpoints can maintain not only a healthy respect for each another’s opinions and hold a civil conversation about those views, but also remain friends throughout.

So when I read that Barack Obama has condemned the incendiary speech of Rev Jeremiah Wright, but cannot disown him, I get it. I really do.

As imperfect as he may be, he has been like family to me. He strengthened my faith, officiated my wedding, and baptized my children.

Notice that the list of lessons does not include, “He taught me how to govern.” And look at the important word in that first sentence. “Family.” Can any of us say truly that we’d be comfortable with anyone assuming that our own opinions are exact duplicates of the opinions held by any random member of our extended family? I wouldn’t be, certainly.

Beyond the immediate Wright controversy, Obama’s speech was brave, as it confronted quite honestly the spectres of history that still haunt our society. Some of these appear as outright racism, but still more pervade our society in the form of inequality, injustice and misunderstanding. I’ve no idea how the Clinton camp is going to respond, but I doubt sincerely that they will approach a State of our Union so honest as the latter half of today’s speech, even from a distance.

This is where we are right now. It’s a racial stalemate we’ve been stuck in for years. Contrary to the claims of some of my critics, black and white, I have never been so naïve as to believe that we can get beyond our racial divisions in a single election cycle, or with a single candidacy - particularly a candidacy as imperfect as my own …

For we have a choice in this country. We can accept a politics that breeds division, and conflict, and cynicism. We can tackle race only as spectacle - as we did in the OJ trial - or in the wake of tragedy, as we did in the aftermath of Katrina - or as fodder for the nightly news …

Or, at this moment, in this election, we can come together and say, “Not this time.” This time we want to talk about the crumbling schools that are stealing the future of black children and white children and Asian children and Hispanic children and Native American children. This time we want to reject the cynicism that tells us that these kids can’t learn; that those kids who don’t look like us are somebody else’s problem. The children of America are not those kids, they are our kids, and we will not let them fall behind in a 21st century economy. Not this time.

Of course, if our general electorate insists on turning this election into a giant game of “Lookit, Racisms!” (for a very disheartening slice of vox populi ignorantia, simply scan the comments left on the related AJC blog entry), then we’re just going to continue as we are. Our leaders will do nothing to inspire or uplift. The stalemate will persist.

And then, I fear, the old truism will prevail. We’ll get the politicians we deserve.

Considerata Dentata Addenda

As I rounded out my lunch, I pulled an apple from my bag. I turned it over in my hand until I found the inevitable sticker. Even organic fruit gets stickers. This one proclaimed an origin of Yakima, Washington. Cameo apples aren’t my favorite, but then, my favorite local apples have been curtailed by drought and freezes for over a year. All the same, I was looking forward to that first bite.

But instead, I held the apple and eyed it suspiciously. With a resigned nod, I placed the fruit on the shelf above my desk, among my framed photos. “Best not,” I thought.

See, I went back to the dentist this morning. (more…)

Play This Or Play That

Nice Doggie

Cerberus Just Needed More Playtime

Sunday afternoon, Nikki and I hopped in the car and headed to Ikea. Storage needs, let us show you them? Along the way, I needed two things: gas for the car and an ice cold Coke Zero* for me. So I stopped at the corner BP, one of about twenty in a five mile radius from our house.

Fueled up, I went in to get my beverage. I’m about to pay, hand the cashier my debit card out of automatic habit, when he asks:

“Is that a dog with three heads?”

It takes me a moment, but then I remember. I’m wearing one of my favorite Threadless shirts. “Yep. Actually, it’s a puppy with three heads.”

“He got a name?”

Ask any trivia nerd, and they can probably relate to the feeling this kind of situation triggers. This isn’t Fight Or Flight. This is more like Teach Or Say. Long Answer (with references) or Short Answer.

I go with a middle of the road approach. The t-shirt shows a puppy. With three heads. At the bottom of the drawing is a dog dish with most of the name showing. So I point. “He’s Cerberus. He guards the gates of Hell.”

Cashier’s eyes get a little bigger, more relaxed. “Oh! Like Harry Potter!”

He gets it. It’s not exact. But he get’s it. “Yeah, like Fluffy.”

“Fluffy! That’s right! He guards that Sorceror’s Stone, right?”

I nod, laugh, because he’s laughing too. Then comes the follow-up that takes the conversation into hypothetical realms unheard of.

“You know … I’d play with that puppy. ‘Cause even a mean-ass dog used to be just a puppy, and all they want to do is play, you know? Even if they got three heads!”

This is when I should smile and leave, but I can’t just go. I have to ask. “But what about when that puppy and his three heads grow up to be big like Fluffy?”

He has his answer ready. “Then I’d just paint myself up with … I don’t know … what’s somethin’ that makes a dog vomit? That way, if he swallows me, I’ll just come right on back!”

All I can do is nod and start to go, which is when he looks at the t-shirt again. “And what’s that … they got tags on ‘em that say ‘6-6-6.’ Oh, that ain’t right. You have a good one!”

And I did.

Erykah’s America

The new Badu album is vital, complex and the best that 2008 has to offer so far. Rolling Stone didn’t get it. It’s not a Bruce Springsteen or Bob Dylan album, so I understand the venerable RS not giving Erykah five whole stars, but only three? Listen again. Or better yet, why not let Rob Sheffield do the review.

The sound isn’t entirely new. There’s the Billie Holiday vibe that the world has come to expect from Badu, of course, but that is filtered through a greater confidence and a willingness to unleash creativity with little concern for sales or reviews.

Badu’s attitude is perhaps best summed up by the way she’s using “Honey” to attract unsuspecting listeners. “Honey” is the current single, a bumping, infectious little sing-along jam with nary a touch of politics or controversy about it. But go pick up the CD, look for “Honey” in the track list. You won’t find it. But it is there, of course. It’s the hidden track, offered like a dessert you don’t get until you’ve cleaned your plate and expanded your mind.

(Of course, Amazon spoils this little bit of sonic hide-and-go-listen by outing the hidden track in their product listing.)

One of the common criticisms is that the tracks tend to wander. They don’t. What they do is turn on their heel, sometimes without warning. Most of the longer tracks are binary songs, two independent ideas joined by an idea. “Twinkle” is a perfect example of this. Give it a listen and watch how it shifts, going into a Burial-esque urban meditation, ending with an updated call-to-action a la Network. Only this time, we’re no longer mad as Hell. We’ve been that for too long already. Now, we just want to be recognized as human beings.

“My life has value, damnit!”

And best of all? This is only the first of three planned Badu albums for 2008.

* Coke Zero. It’s got what plants need.

A Little History In A Handful Of Tickets

I found tickets for most of the shows I did while at Berry College. So naturally, I scanned them and put them on Flickr.

On Dungeons, Dragons, Imagination, Religion and Me

Gary Gygax is dead. He created Dungeons & Dragons in 1974.

I never met him. But I owe him a debt of gratitude that requires some explanation.

When I was a teenager, I was into Christian Rock up to my elbows. The genre seemed a reasonable compromise between the music I wanted to hear and the messages I needed to receive. Little did I know then that there was and is spirituality to be had from so many other genres and forms of music. But I was young and naive. I loved Petra most of all. To this day, I count a Petra show at Chattanooga’s Memorial Auditorium as my first rock music. And I was able to go because I’d convinced my youth minister it was a good idea. After that first concert, our youth group went to others.

One of these subsequent shows featured a performer named Carman. Carman’s specialty was the way he performed these witty and profound speak-songs. Though he had a reasonable vocal range, there were these songs where he’d leave the singing behind and start telling a story, building up momentum in the telling until finally coming to some kind of heroic epiphany of Biblical truth. I remember one about the story of Lazarus. You remember that one, right? Lazarus has died, so his sister comes to Jesus and asks for a miracle. Simple, but not good enough as-is for Carman. So the way Carman performs it, the story becomes a kind of Biblical fan-fiction free-for-all. While Jesus is standing outside the tomb, getting ready to make with the raising, Lazarus is in some kind of Heavenly jam session, surrounded with an assortment of previous prophets from days gone by. Isaac, Abraham, Samson and so forth. For some reason, they’re asking Lazarus how he’s cool enough to hang with them. So he starts name-dropping and saying what all he’s seen the Messiah do from his peripheral vantage point. From there, we start split-screening between Heaven and the tomb, like so …

“I even remember the littlest things
The things that most folks would forget
Like the simple, loving way He’d just call my name.”
Up at the grave, the stone rolled away …
With a loud voice Jesus started to say, Lazarus.
“You see it just seems like yesterday
I could hear that man saying my name”
Lazarus
“As a matter of a fact it seemed like today.”
Lazarus
“Excuse me brothers I think I hear him calling me now.”
Lazarus
“Jesus?”
Lazarus
“Hey, Jesus!”
Lazarus, Come Forth
Come Forth, I command you, Come Forth!

Hey, Jesus!

So that’s how it went. And you can imagine that with the right kind of triumphant music, even the most hard-hearted person might be so moved to overlook the utter ridiculous of outright Biblical fan-fiction (and the uncomfortable familiarity of Lazarus, Jesus’s Pal) and raise a hand or two to heaven. Push it a bit further, and you might have yourself the starting fervor of an altar call. So now you’ve got a whole concert hall full of folks and scores of volunteers standing by to pray with those who might wish to find their salvation right then and there. And for the rest of us, myself included, earnest at the age of twelve or thirteen and wanting nothing but to be a good Christian kid, we stayed up in our rows, standing with our heads bowed as Carman started slinging out the prayer and confession suggestions.

I don’t remember most of what was mentioned. I’m pretty sure that the big ones were pitched, things like “If there are any of us here tonight who’ve found themselves a slave to the perils of alcohol or drugs.” I could answer negatively to either, so I was in the clear. And the list carried on from Carman’s microphoned mouth, a litany of forgotten possible sins, until this moment that has since been crystallized in my memory.

And if there are any among you, teenagers who have fallen prey to heavy metal, rock and roll.

I’m sure my eyes were closed up to that point, but I’m betting they fluttered a bit.

And maybe there are others who have played …

I knew it was coming. Somehow, I just felt it.

Who have played Dungeons & Dragons

He pulled out both syllables of both words like they were poison. And in that instant, I stopped bowing my head. I opened my eyes and looked around. I wanted to leave. Suddenly, I felt like I didn’t belong in that place, with those people, hearing that man. I’d never experienced doubt so absolutely. Looking back, the wave of resistance started with his general condemnation of secular rock and roll, but as soon as he dropped the ball on D & D, he crossed the line. He’d called one of my favorite childhood activities out on the carpet, simultaneously grouping it with a host of far more obvious sins and transgressions.

And I knew he was wrong. I knew it. If there is such a thing as an intellectual awakening, that was it.

I played Dungeons & Dragons for the first time not in some neighbor kid’s basement, but at school. My elementary school enrichment teacher, Ms Cooper, she decided that a dice-based role playing game was just the thing to fire the imaginations of her little circle of gifted students. And she was so very right, because I took to it like a duck to water. I wrote stories for the characters I rolled and drew out adventurers, often on graph paper. I invented magical swords and created quests for my friends to play, as many of us carried on into junior high with our various campaigns. And there was nothing the least bit evil about it, because the driving force behind it all was only the extent of my own God-given imagination.

And if imagining is a sin, then why have such a gift at all?

So thank you, Gary Gygax. Thank you for Dungeons & Dragons. Thank you for giving me a way to recognize for the first time in my young life the beauty and sanctity of my own mind.

Do I still play? No. Not so much. It could be argued, of course, that my fascination with fantasy video games stems from D & D. But it’s been years since I crowded around a table and created a collaborative story with a pack of imaginative friends and a handful of dice. And yet … I do keep a 20-sided die on my computer keyboard at home.

Just in case.