If I Wrote Fan-Fiction, This Is What I Would Write

I could never write fan-fiction about a single television series or one particular book. Where’s the fun in that? No, I’d have to write nothing but cross-overs. So if I had the time and inclination, I’d write something like this:

Quantum Leap / Enterprise

This one writes itself, doesn’t it? The final episode of Enterprise was horrible, even regrettable. For a series that had suffered so much already, they had to go and frame the last hurrah in a contrived holodeck scenario involving Next Gen‘s Commander Riker and Counselor Troi. Shameful and stupid.

So why not do this instead. Bring the whole series to a close with one last big episode, something massive and epic that will determine the course of Federation history from that point forward. And then, once the dust has settled and all of the conflict has been resolved, we cut to Captain Archer on the bridge of the original Enterprise. He looks around, surveys his crew and sees that everything is as it should be. The look on his face lets us all know that he has never felt so content. And as he cracks an honest smile, his body is enveloped in a Quantum glow.

Next, we cut to an interior shot of some kind of storage closet. Or maybe a cave. The man we’ve known as Archer is crouching over a ticking time bomb with a Swiss Army Knife in one hand and an empty roll of toilet paper in the other. At his left shoulder, looking on anxiously, is a young girl (probably blonde) with big hair. “What’re ya waitin’ for, Mac? Stop the bomb!” Former Archer glances at a pair of wires on the timer. One is red. One is blue. Looking up from his task, he says to nobody in particular:

Oh, boy.”

4 responses to “If I Wrote Fan-Fiction, This Is What I Would Write”

  1. This is the only piece of fanfic that I would actually read…as it is the true ending of Enterprise.

    …in my mind.

  2. Nikki’s story FTW!!

    Although to truly be fan-fic you’d have to have Archer and some dude getting it on, because let’s face it, it’s all slash at some point.

  3. Err.. Thomas’ story FTW… damn you both for having blogs that I read… and not allowing a “delete” option on comments. sigh.

    I like tuh’tles!

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