The Internet is dead, says Prince. And in response, the Internet protests. But methinks the Internet doth protest too much.

In 1997, Prince — or rather, O(+> — started promoting Crystal Ball via love4oneanother.com. The online sale of Crystal Ball was an “xperiment in truth” …

“no charts, no royalty disputes, no returns, no arguing over product placement, no singles and video budgets, no egos and most of all, NO MIDDLEMAN!”

The pre-sold CDs were shipped in January 1998 and fans were directed to crystalcd.newfunk.com, home to interactive liner notes (since archived).

By 2000, Prince was selling merch and music at www.1800newfunk.com. Then came NPGMusicClub.com, a members-only all-Prince download service that ran from 2001 to 2006. This was followed by 3121.com, a website that accompanied the 2006 album of the same name.

In March 2009, Prince introduced lotusflow3r.com, a destination where one could pay $77 yearly for downloads of new albums, access to streaming video and a t-shirt. But as of April 2010, the site is defunct — much to the chagrin of existing patrons charged an additional $77.

So here’s how I see it: The Internet is dead … to Prince.

And with good reason, as he’s given it more than a few opportunities to impress him. He took a mighty leap in the beginning and has kept coming back every few years to try again. You didn’t like the 3-CD set in a plastic petri dish? Fine, then how about six years of live tracks, made-to-order? No, then how about a handful of new albums and a shirt?

Prince kept coming to your door, Internet, looking fine as hell and bearing gifts hand-picked to please you. Were they the gifts you expected, like an easily-affordable remastered back-catalog in MP3 and FLAC format? Hell, no. Because that’s just not Prince’s way, baby. You take him as he is, or you can get the hell out. And don’t expect to sneak around and catch video clips on YouTube or trade concert bootlegs on eBay. Oh, no …

Because you’ve made your bed, Internet, and now you must lie in it.

Without Prince.

(Full Disclosure: I pondered this post during my morning commute … while listening to a bootleg of Prince’s 1985 concert at the Orange Bowl in Miami aka Purple Finale.)